Eighteen Years and Five Months: Mass Effect
by LJAndersen
Summary: It's been a long time since Mindoir and somewhere called home. War won, terrorism averted, and newly engaged, Shepard is nervous to meet Kaidan's mom. Kaidan hasn't told his mom anything yet. Best to keep it simple. The extended Alenko family can be told another day. Only, that day may be closer than expected. It's not just his mom who's excited to meet his guest. It's Everybody.
1. Chapter 1

**Chapter 1**

*This is set after my story "Burning Barriers," but it can be read independently.*

Only hours old, the ring glittered on Shepard's finger. She jostled against Kaidan in the backseat, the hired shuttle lifting and dipping with air currents up the coast. Kaidan held her hand.. It was an awkward angle, his fingers kneading into her wrist, his expression a little too absent. She narrowed her eyes on him. The shuttle bucked again.

Kaidan braced against the shuttle wall. "We're vetting our shuttle driver better next time. If that's all you did, you should be good at it, right?" He glanced sideways at her and frowned. "What's wrong?"

"What do you think you're doing?"

"What?"

Shepard nodded down at his hand. "You're taking my pulse, aren't you?"

"Uh …" Kaidan quickly interlocked their fingers. "I do that holding everyone's hand. James was just complaining about it."

"You want to know if I'm nervous just ask."

"Are you?"

"Hell no."

"All right." Kaidan turned his attention forward.

Shepard frowned. "You don't believe me?"

"There's nothing to be nervous about, you know. I brought home a drunk circus clown and said I was getting married, there would be confetti and applause."

"Glad I'm a step above a drunk circus clown," Shepard said flatly. "And, I'm not nervous."

She untangled their intertwined fingers and pinched his wrist.

"I'm nervous," he blurted.

Shepard shot straight. Her fingers loosened on his wrist.

"Not because of you," he rushed to say. The shuttle dipped, and he grabbed the wall. "It's just the Alliance. I'm not sure … I just don't know."

The turbulence smoothed, and he relaxed his head back on the headrest. Shepard sighed. She slouched against him, her cheek on his shoulder.

"Go back," she whispered. "It's not too late."

Seventy-three hours hadn't even passed yet. Fraternization regs and Alliance-Council politics be damned. They'd both had enough.

"I'm not going back," Kaidan said. "I know what I want. It's just … We'll see."

Shepard wedged her arm under his back and pulled him close. It felt good to hold him. Warm. His heart beating against her side.

"Your mom and your sister, her family, they know? About me, us?" Shepard asked.

"I said I was bringing someone I wanted them to meet. Based off the news vids - both of us leaving the Alliance, the speculation - I'm sure they've pieced it together."

Shepard nodded against his shoulder. She looked up at him.

"I'm not nervous, you know," she said.

"Of course. Just the shuttle ride making your palms sweat."

XXX

With a word to the pilot, Kaidan swung the shuttle door shut. Shepard picked her way up the crest of a hill. Grass moved in the breeze. In the distance, a three-story house overlooked a clover meadow. A mix of ocean, pine, and earth flushed into Shepard's lungs. The ocean gleamed through the branches of hemlock beyond the clearing.

"Not overcast." Kaidan came behind her. "Perfect sunny day."

Plumb-stained mountains etched the sky behind him.

"You grew up here?"

"Summers and holidays mostly, but yeah."

Shepard nodded and biting her lip turned back to the meadow. Bumble bees hummed amid the far crash of waves. It didn't drown out the distant laughter coming from the house.

"Hey." Kaidan caught her forearm and tugged her around to face him.

"I'm not nervous," Shepard snapped.

Kaidan chuckled. He engulfed her with his arms and kissed her hair. "All right."

Breath drain out her mouth. Her face pressed into his shirt, buttons hard against her chin.

"Almost twenty years," Shepard whispered. "Nineteen months, it will twenty years."

Kaidan squeezed her to him. He didn't say anything, his breath warm and moist in her hair. Shepard pulled in a deep breath and slid her arms around his waist.

"I, um … I'm good with the military, on a ship, but this stuff …" Her breath stretched as it slid out between her lips, her heart beating in her ears.

"I've seen you in a lot of situations," Kaidan murmured. He rested his cheek against the top of her head. "You dazzle everyone."

"Yeah, but it's when I try, I can't. It comes across weird. Then I feel weird. It makes me try harder, and it becomes this awful circle, getting more and more unauthentic and awkward. You haven't seen me somewhere like this."

"Where's 'like this'?" His shoulder shrugged against her face.. He tipped his mouth to her ear. "It's the same as going to a party, same as each new person you've meet, each person you've won to your side. This isn't different. Everyone's very nice."

"That's the problem." Shepard tilted her head back and met his eyes. "That's what makes me go into the Awkward Cycle. If they're mean or serious, I know what to do. When they're nice and I care about it, I want them to like me …"

Kaidan smirked. "My mom's 5'3" and cries at animal shelter commercials. Never thought she'd intimidate Commander Shepard, Brute and Banshee Slayer."

Shepard rolled her eyes, smile tugging on her lips. Muffled voices carried in the air. The house's shadow in the edge of her vision tightened her nerves. She needed to clear her head, think of something light. Her vision shifted. A memory of Kaidan lying on his stomach in bed. The evening sun dusted his hair, goofy grin on his face, the screen light from his Omni-Tool dancing over his features.

"So, uh, Kaidan." Shepard focused up at him. "Give me some advice here. Visiting the neighbor's country estate ..."

Kaidan frowned. "What do you mean?"

"Well, what if I'm called upon to entertain the room? I don't know the pianoforte. Can't sing. Forgot my needlework. The only poems I can recite are dirty ones."

"Wait. What? Pianofor-" Kaidan sputtered and laughed. His eyes narrowed into a glare. "Dammit. I knew you'd say something again. I told you, I just came across it. It's not like I own it."

Shepard grinned. "Why, Mr. Alenko, have I vexed you? Let me assure you, sir, never such was my intention."

"Ah!" Kaidan pulled away, his teeth still showing in a laugh. "You know, it's very cultured of me. Austin is timeless. Classic literature."

Shepard gave a dismissive shrug.

"All right," Kaidan said. "Hope you brought your sheet music, Miss Shepard. Let's go." He looped an arm around her shoulders and pulled her toward the house.

"I propose deciding our duet beforehand," Shepard said, "just in case, an opportune moment presents. Our forethought will lend us the distinction of both polish and compliment, Mr. Alenko."

Kaidan chuckled. "Sure. '_I Got You, Babe.'_"

"A formidable selection indeed."

Kaidan snorted shooting her a smile and shook his head. It was all she was after. Blood thudded in her veins, but her chest loosened. She forced a smile at the approaching door. Her fingers dug into his waist.

XXX

They stepped into the house. Windows brightened the oak floorboards, a cinnamon and nutmeg tint to the air. Voices clamored from the doorway ahead. She clutched Kaidan's elbow tighter, smile pressed into place.

"Kaidan?" a woman's voice called.

"Uh, yeah. Here."

Kaidan steered Shepard into a room towering with glass and lodgepole. Green meadow filled the windows. In the center of the room rose a fireplace made of riverstone and surrounded by people. Lots of people.

"Oh." Kaidan's steps hitched. "Oh, it's, uh, everybody."

"Hey, Cous." A woman cascading in black tresses touched Kaidan's shoulder and dropped a kiss on his cheek. She held a hand out to Shepard. "Rebecca. We've met."

"I remember." She stretching across Kaidan, her knees locked, and shook Rebecca's hand.

"It's not everybody," said a short woman, silver softening her temples, and wrinkles creased in a smile. "You knew Kate, Rob, and the kids were here. Becca had Henry staying with her, so he came. Your aunt Gloria was visiting from the orchard tomorrow anyway. Petier, Maria, and the kids were visiting her so … And they brought Alex and his family and their neighbor, Colby. You met Colby that one time, remember?"

Kaidan's forehead furrowed, but he nodded to the tawny-haired overbite in the corner. "Colby, hi."

A dozen dark-haired faces rushed them, smiling and talking over each other.

"Commander Shepard, right?" asked a lanky woman, bowed-in shoulders and scrunchy brown eyes. Aunt Gloria by the earlier wave her direction.

"Uh, not commander anymore, but yes. Nice to meet you."

"You fought the aliens," a voice giggled. Brown pigtails tugged on Shepard's fingers.

"Only the bad ones," Shepard said.

"We're so glad to have you." A pair of warm arms engulfed Shepard. The woman who had introduced everyone. She released Shepard with a squeeze, the scent of apples still in Shepard's nose. Her face brimmed with a smile so deep, Shepard didn't think it could go wider, then it did. "I'm Ella, Kaidan's mom. So happy you're here."

"Kate, Kaidan's sister." Mocha-colored curls bounced on the woman's shoulder. A bright row of teeth lit her features, so symmetrical and luminous they belonged in a textbook. Kate opened her arms but waited.

Shepard unfroze. "Hi."

She hugged Kate, surprised at the crushing force of the return. Kate pulled back. She was still smiling, a look that appeared to be her resting face. There was a tint of Kaidan in the smile. Pigtails tugged on Shepard's fingers again. A little face grinned up at her.

"Madeleine. Maddy." Kate indicated with a wave. She pointed toward the whirlpool of hugs and laughing conversation around Kaidan. "And that's Emily."

An ashy blonde grinned over Kaidan's shoulder, her hair crimped and frizzy, arms clasping his throat. Sandals swung from the loop of his arms.

"And Lauren …" Kate leaned back, squinted through the crowd, and pointed. "Ah. There."

A fair-haired toddler grinned dimples at them. A man lifted her in his arms. His shirt buttoned to the throat, fabric creased from ironing, limp chestnut hair fringing his forehead. He met Shepard's gaze with a pair of labrador eyes and an open smile.

"That's Robert." Kate turned back to Shepard. "Made him marry me six years ago after he knocked me up."

"Kate!" Ella's eyes widened.

"What?" Kate laughed. "She looks smart. Bet she can do math."

Shepard grinned not quite sure what to say.

"For the record, I was going to marry him anyway," Kate said. "Just thought Dad walking me up the aisle with a shotgun made it more memorable."

"Kate." Ella shook her head and gave a long sigh.

Kate laughed and elbowed her mom. "C'mon. Kaidan likes her. Just letting her in on an ole Alenko fairytale right here." Hands on her hips, Kate tipped back as if to see Rob better. He sneezed into a tissue, dabbed in his nose, and stuffed it into a breast pocket under what looked like a calculator. "Yup. Prince Charming. Ninety degree outside, he'd still be wearing dress pants and argyle socks. Tell me that isn't brave. Dreams do come true."

Ella gaped at Kate. Maddy, bored with Shepard already, wandered over to Kaidan. She pulled at his elbow. Emily's swinging sandals grazed her pigtails.

"Seriously, though." Kate chuckled. "Rob's way smarter than I am. Love him fancy calculator and all."

Kate refocused on Shepard. For once in Shepard's life, she was at a loss for words. Her mind raced to find something, anything, to say.

Ella's hand warmed the crook of Shepard's arm. "Kaidan must really love you. Left the Alliance for you."

"Oh." Shepard frowned, heart beating faster, and darted a look at Kaidan. "I quit too. Kaidan can go back without any, uh … rules being broken."

Ella shrugged and pawed her other hand in Kaidan's direction, her eyes still on Shepard. "He's a big boy. He can make his decisions. I know he's probably worried to tell me."

"It's a big deal." Kate's lips thinned, eyes squinting on Kaidan. "All he's done is live and breath the Alliance his adult life. Think it might be good."

Ella's eyes stayed on Shepard's face, her mouth crested in a smile that wrinkled her eyes.

Shepard shifted. "I really, uh – I didn't—that's not what I asked him to do." Shepard looked between Kate and Ella, her spine pulling so rigid it ached.

"He was miserable without you." Ella's voice was soft. Her eyes slipped to Kaidan.

He laughed surrounded in a sea of people Shepard hadn't met yet. Somehow Maddy had taken Emily's place on his back. She tugged at his hair. He didn't seem to notice, his attention on an older man clasping his shoulder. Emily had found other entertainment. She sat halfway on Kaidan's foot and the floor, stylus in hand, drawing on a datapad.

"He's happy," Ella said turning back to Shepard. Her hand slipped down Shepard's arm to grasp her hand. She squeezed it. "This is what I always wanted for him. To be happy."

Kate smiled, eyes drifting to Ella holding Shepard's hand. Her breath caught. She snatched Shepard's hand up and held it up to her face. She stared, eyes wide and white, unblinking.

Her gaze snapped to Shepard's face. "Tell me that's not your Super Bowl ring for beating the reapers or something."

Ella frowned and pulled Shepard's hand over. Her body went rigid, eyes bulged. She lowered her face until the ring grazed her nose. Sound faded away and all Shepard could hear was the beating of her own heart. Ella lifted her eyes, watering and tightening around the edges. Her lips parted, but she didn't speak.

Shepard caught Kaidan's eye watching them. Pigtails flounced on his shoulder, Rebecca gesturing and chattered in his ear. His eyes dropped to Shepard's hand still in Kate's grasp and a hair's breadth from his mother's bleary eyes. His lips curved deep into his cheeks. Shepard's heart fluttered. She turned back to Kate and Ella's unwavering gaze.

"Surprise," Shepard said.

XXX

Kate's laugh boomed in Shepard's ears. "You're kidding! What a dork. Kaidan? Kaidan?" Kate raised herself on the bottom rung of her kitchen bar stool. She looked over the crowd in the dining room. "Kaidan? Wherever you are. You're a dork." She hollered, craned her neck, then finally plopped back onto the stool with a shrug. "Please, go on. Waited my whole life for this caliber of teasing munition. Pure gold."

"Then what, dear?" Ella asked.

She sat on Shepard's other side. The elongating shadows of their wine glasses marked the fading rays. They faced the kitchen counter, twilight reflecting in the glass of the wine bottle. Purple glass. Alenko Family wine, bottle half full.

"Well." Shepard spun the stool and propped her elbows behind her on the counter. "The other marine with us, Ashley Williams, said, 'That your professional opinion, sir?'"

"You really fell for this guy?" Kate snatched her wine glass from the counter and swiveling around. She leaned in conspiratorially. "Hasn't made you watch any pendulating pocket watches, has he?"

A laugh burst through Shepard's toothy smile. "Well, he said it was a family heirloom. I kept saying, 'You want me to see it, Kaidan, you've got to HOLD IT STILLLLLLLLLL." Shepard crossed her eyes, the world unfocusing, then shot Kate a sharp grin.

"Huh. And, I told him he was wasting his time at the summer fair taking notes on the Great Hypnadini. But, look now …" Kate waved a hand at Shepard.

Ella's mouth thinned. She gave Kate a long look before returning a warm smile to Shepard. She patted Shepard's hand again and touched the diamond ring. All the while, her eyes glowed warm and bright on Shepard's face. Her face cracked with smiling. Shepard licked her lips and lowered her eyes. She drew in a deep breath.

"Kaidan's …" Shepard forced herself to meet Ella's eyes and pushed herself forward. "Kaidan's pretty amazing." She darted a glance at Kate too. "He's the best person I know. He's always been an extraordinary soldier – capable, disciplined, trustworthy – but, he's an even more an extraordinary person. I don't know what you know about me from the news, but I, uh … I never dreamed of picketed fences, holiday greeting cards, or a mail box with my name on it. Family. That was another life I could have had, but life … went a different way. I became a soldier instead. That's what gave me meaning. Then I met Kaidan. He made me more than a soldier, a person again. I can't say he's the man of my dreams, because I never could have dreamed so big."

Ella's eyelashes flickered rapidly. Kate reached across Shepard, a napkin clipped between two fingers. Ella plucked it from her fingertips.

"That really is beautiful," Kate said.

She leaned an elbow on the counter, wine glass in one hand, and a soft smile. Ella blotted her face with with the napkin, still squeezing Shepard's fingers in her other hand.

"You making everyone cry over her?" Rebecca glided through the kitchen's side door.

The crowd in the dining room erupted into laughed. Pounding the table, Colby haw hawed, the orchard neighbor no one really seemed to know but who apparently fit right in. Wine glasses clinked amid the uproar. Rob stood above the crowd on a chair and bowed to another peal of laughter.

"Kind of a nerd," Kate whispered, "but damn he's hilarious. Makes me laugh every day."

"Most of the time it's with him, not at him." Rebecca chuckled and poured herself wine.

Shepard rotated on her stool. "So … Vega. You two still hanging out?"

Rebecca shrugged. "Hanging out sometimes." She took a sip of wine, grinning against the glass rim.

Shepard smirked. "You know he—"

"Hey," Kaidan said behind her. She jolted. Wine sloshed in her glass.

"Damn you're sneaky." She twisted to him.

"Easy when the volume's up this high."

"Kaidan." Ella grabbed his forearm. "Are you staying overnight?"

"Wasn't planning on it." Kaidan glanced at the dining room swarming with bodies.

In the kitchen's dark side doorway, a little face peeked around the corner. Brown hair covering her shifty eyes. Kate apparently had the same angle on it as Shepard. She slapped her wineglass on the counter. Her bare feet hit the floor.

"I just want juice!" Maddy stumbled backward, nightgown tangling in her legs. She clutched her blanket to her chest with widening eyes.

"Uh oh. Duhn Duhn Duhn," Rebecca said with a laugh. She passed around them into the dining room.

Kate scooped Maddy off the floor and disappeared down the hallway. A wail of garbled words trailed behind her. The only word intelligible word was 'juice.'

"We have room." Ella tugged on Kaidan's arm.

His eyes shifted from the hallway to his mother's face. He chuckled, lifting his arm from her grasp, and put it around her shoulders.

"No, really," Ella said sitting higher on her stool. She eyed Shepard warmly, then looked up at Kaidan again.

"Thanks, but we didn't pack anything," Kaidan said.

"We have a washer." Ella put a hand on his back, staring up at him.

Kaidan's smiled wanly. "Mom, you're housing an army. And the army's random neighbor."

"You can sleep in my room."

"Mom."

Ella's eyes shifted to Shepard – big, brown, and bright. Pleading.

"Don't stare at her that way, Mom."

"Kaidan." Shepard grinned. "I don't mind wearing fig leaves tomorrow."

"Or just use the washer," Ella said.

"And what are we wearing in the interim, while they're washing?" Kaidan sighed and cocked his head.

"Just pass me the clothes through the door. I'll wash them and then bring them back."

"What? This is getting weird." Kaidan's brow pinched, but he covered a growing smirk with his hand.

Shepard poked him in the ribs.

"Hey. Ow." He slapped her hand away coming for a second poke.

"Hey, Kaid, c'mon." Shepard rolled her head against her shoulder and gave him a bright smile.

"Oh, no." He pulled his chin back with a grimace. "You're going to call me that now? No. And … and …" His eyes unfocused. "Oh, no. You poked me. Hell, no. Where's Kate? She tell you that bothers me?"

"Come on, Kaidan," Shepard said. "I think it'd be fun. You never wore clothes longer than twenty-four hours? Stop being prissy."

"This is Kate's doing." Kaidan's eyes sharpened on his mom. "You were here the whole time. What's Kate been saying?"

"We'll stay," Shepard decided and stood up from the stool.

"I'll wash your clothes," Ella rushed to say, face glowing, and climbed off the stool.

"Not necessary." Shepard waved off the offer. She tapped Kaidan's arm with the back of her hand. "What time's the shuttle coming? Couple hours? Let's cancel it."

"You know how to make a fig leaf skirt?" Kaidan crossed her arms and motioned at her with a finger. "What about a lean-to made of pine branches? That's where we'll be sleeping. And, no, Mom, we're not taking your room."

"Henry and Colby are in your room, dear. They can sleep downstairs on the blowup mattresses."

Kaidan didn't say anything. His eyes slid to Shepard.

"Sounds good." Shepard grinned.


	2. Chapter 2

Henry stared at Shepard. He paused mid-way off the bed, an Omni-Tool movie blazing on his wrist. Kaidan passed him. He snatched a throw pillow off the couch and blankets stacked on the armrest.

"Here." Kaidan plopped them in Henry's arm.

The blankets slipped from Henry's limp fingers and unfolded across the floor. The throw pillow rolled to Shepard's feet. Henry shot Kaidan a sharp look. He scrambled to regather the blankets in his arms.

"Sorry. You're getting bumped from the room." Kaidan shrugged.

Shepard bent and snatched the pillow off the floor. Hunched over, Henry froze. His eyes rounded, mouth cracked open. The blankets hung forgotten in his arms. She frowned and offered the throw pillow. Henry's eyes flashed up to her face with a queasy grin. Kaidan crossed the room, tore the pillow from Shepard's hand with her yelp, and slung it into Henry's face.

"Evicted," Kaidan said.

Shepard frowned at the back of Kaidan's head. He rounded the bed and stopped at the window, hazy with aged glass.

"So, uh," Henry stood, put his back to Kaidan, and wrapped blankets around the pillow, "Commander Shepard? Nice to meet you."

Kaidan glanced over his shoulder, rolled his eyes, and shoved the window up with a screech. Shepard drew her eyes back to Henry. His attention flashed up to her face with a quick grin.

"Nice to meet you," Shepard said. "Becca's brother, right? Kaidan's cousin. You're staying in Vancouver right now?"

"I'm there a lot actually. You're in Vancouver, too, right? Maybe we could all, uh, you know, get together or something. Some night." Henry's flitted a look back at Kaidan. Kaidan watched, hands on his hips, a breeze from the window ruffling his hair.

"Sure. Maybe some time," Shepard said.

"I could contact you, set it up. Or, uh, you know, Kaidan, too. You guys are like … together now, right?" He focused on Shepard for the question.

"Yep." Shepard nodded. "For the foreseeable future."

"Foreseeable future …" Henry rolled that around on his tongue, eyes distant. "So, uh … not really a –" Kaidan took a step forward, and Henry jolted. "Never mind. You're amazing though. All you've done. Like, really amazing." His gaze started to drift lower. With an almost visible force of will, he steadied them back on her face again.

"Thank you," Shepard said.

"You know, I'm pretty busy with the music industry. Been getting a lot of agents after me." He chuckled and rolled his eyes with a smile. "Got all these offers in the major cities, like Milan, Berlin. Busy with fan mail. Ugh. Got this club after me. You know, twenty-something college girls."

"How terrible." Shepard shook her head gravely. She flashed a smile past Henry's shoulder at Kaidan, lingering behind him.

"No crap. Damn near follow me all over. Got this extranet page, blogs, picture archive. Someone - you wouldn't believe - actually chased me with an Omni-Tool camera once. No kidding. Like, right down the street. Here in Vancouver. Thought I could hide in a little backcountry town like this, but damn, felt like Beijing or something for a minute. It's just so—"

"Your story have a point?" Kaidan said. "Bedtime. Tick tock."

Henry twisted with a sharp frown. He turned back to Shepard, smile dazzling again. Wad of blankets readjusted under his arm, he grabbed both of her hands. Shepard let him. She smoothed a tickling smirk into a concentrated pinch of seriousness.

He squeezed her fingers, face close enough to smell Doridos and beer. "You are such an inspiration. You need me to sing at an event or introduce you somewhere, I won't even charge you. I'm so, so, so amazed by what you've done. And, you know, if Kaidan gets like, uh, busy or something sometime, or gets worn down by your spotlight, well, I can probably find in my schedule—"

"All right." Kaidan ripped the blankets out from under Henry's arm and tossed them through the open doorway into the hall. "Seriously, scram."

Henry pinched Shepard's fingertips and leaned in, eyes wandering down her throat, his voice a whisper. "You ever need—"

"Good night." Kaidan hooked Henry's elbow.

Henry stumbled, arm in Kaidan's grip, and glanced back at Shepard. "You need anything, anything at all. Just –"

"Wait here." Kaidan shoved him through the doorway. "Mom said she'd wash our clothes. Just have to take them all off first. You don't mind waiting outside the door, though, do you?"

Henry's eyes widened and shifted between Shepard and Kaidan.

"Uh …" His mouth opened and closed.

"Never mind," Kaidan said. "It could take a while, even when I'm helping her. Well, good night."

Kaidan mashed the close button. Henry craned to see through the narrowing crack as the door cut him away. Kaidan muttered under his breath. He tipped his ear to the door with a squinty frown and listened.

Shepard smirked. She glanced over at the bed. Kaidan was still focused on the door. With full force, she threw herself on the bed, knees thumping into the mattress with each bounce. "Kaidan! Oh, oh, oh! Stop it, stop it. No wait, don't stop. Don't stop! Don't you dare stop. Kaidan!"

Kaidan spun around, eyes ballooning from his skull. Shepard hopped onto her feet. Her spring built zest with each mattress-whomping bounce. Kaidan scrambled from the door, tripping over his feet. In a foot-slipping frenzie, he slammed into the bed. He grabbed fistfuls of comforter to reach her.

"Your biotics, Kaidan! Mercy! Where'd you learn that one! Right there, right –"

Kaidan's hand clapped over her mouth, bed still springing under their feet.

"Mom, Kate, my nieces – their rooms are on this floor," he hissed through his teeth.

Shepard smiled against the salty taste of his fingers. Her muscles coiled tighter, and she leapt. The bed lunged, its feet snapped on the carpet, mattress springs screeching. Kaidan pulled his hand from her mouth with a curse and scooped her up in both arms. He smothered her struggles against his chest.

"That wasn't what you were going for?" Shepard whispered. She gave a faux-frown. "I thought … oh. That's it. Not convincing enough." She raised her voice. "I can't. Not a third time. Torturer. Kaidan, please—"

He pressed his lips over her mouth. She squirmed, straining to touch the mattress with her feet. Futile. They stared eye-to-eye, his eyes slivered. She stopped. A delicious grin curled her lips. She snaked her arms around his neck.

"This isn't a kiss," he mumbled against her lips. "I need more hands."

"That'd be fun." Her words garbled.

She kissed into his mouth, hooking the grainy hinge of his jaw, and drew him tighter. His hold limpened. He kissed her back, deep and fierce with a low laugh. Her skin tingled. She spread her hands through his hair, drinking the feel of it rustling thick and staticy between her fingers. Blood rushed through her veins. The bed groaned as he lowered her so slowly she had to laugh against his kiss.

"He's probably still out there listening," Kaidan whispered so low Shepard strained to hear it.

"Let's not disappoint then." Shepard licked her bottom lip with the tip of her tongue.

Kaidan drew a sharp breath. She peeled her shirt off and threw it. He watched it slide down the door with wide eyes.

Shepard settled back on the bed. "Well?"

Kaidan yanked his shirt over his head, tossed it against the door, and crawled over her. His kiss crushed into her mouth.

"Kaidan?" His mom's voice came through the door. Kaidan hand froze on Shepard's thigh. "Kaidan, it's Mom. Henry said you _did _want me to wash your clothes. Just hand them out. When you're, uh ... when you're ready. I'm going to bed soon though, so …"

Kaidan jerked back from Shepard's lips, face blood-drained, the fog of lust blinking away in his eyes. He swallowed and tried his voice. It squeaked out in a thick monotone.

"One second. Thanks."

"All right. Whenever you're ready …"

Shepard slapped both hands over her mouth and fell back on the mattress. She smothered her laugh. Kaidan just stared hollow-eyed at the bedroom door.

XXX

Through the screen, crickets twittered in the darkness. Air scented with spruce and grass chilled Shepard's skin. It felt good. She nestled her cheek into Kaidan's bare chest. A white globe filled the window. It illuminated the room with a silvery veil, brightening the treetops outside and washing out the stars.

Silence. No rumble of skycar or blare of sirens. No bustling voices. No late night partiers tripping home from the club. No drunks staggering from the nearest landing pad. Dogs didn't bark. Street conversations didn't hollar over traffic. A neighbor's stereo wasn't blaring or walls vibrating from someone's dryer tumbling overhead. Quiet.

Kaidan's breathing slowed losing its steady rhythm, and Shepard looked up through her eyelashes. Moonlight glinted in the white of Kaidan's cracked eyes. He drew a full breath, gazing into the pearled glow, and tightened her against his chest. A smile curved his lips.

"Kaidan."

He lurched. Arms loosening, he lifted his head off the pillow to look at her.

"You woke up," Shepard whispered.

"You woke up," he said.

He scooted down from his pillow, turning his shoulder into the sheets, and stared eye-to-eye with her. Their noses touched. His teeth gleamed.

"I'm glad you're here," he whispered.

"Yeah? Even if you can't look your mom in the eye again?"

"I'm wearing a paper bag with eye holes to breakfast."

"Better cut a slot to fit a forkful of waffles."

Kaidan's lips indented deeper into his cheeks. The pad of his thumb caressed her cheekbone, his eyes trailing the path. He released a long sigh.

"What?" Shepard whispered.

He met her eyes. The facets of brown looked black in the pale shadow of the moon.

"I'm just really happy," he said. He held her hand to his chest and rolled the ring between his fingertips. "I really love you. I want to make you as happy as you've made me."

"Yeah?" She settled closer, nose pressing into his cheek, drinking in the fresh-aired, soapy smell of his skin.

"Yeah," Kaidan said. He brushed her lips with a feathery kiss.

"Then, you'd do whatever I want?"

"You've bewitched me, so yes, sure. Name it."

"Skinny dipping."

"What?" He lifted his head off the sheets.

"Hey, you said, 'yes, sure, name it.' Verbal contract."

"But skinny—Where?"

Shepard sat up on her elbow and gave him a blank look. "Water."

"A tub count?"

"Ocean. This was your fantasy once, remember?"

"Ocean?" Kaidan's eyes waxed to the size of the moon hanging outside.

"Yeah. That water outside. Salty. Wavy."

"This is just 'sometime' at 'some point,' right?"

"No. Right now. Let's take off the screen. We already have the prerequisite swimsuits on. Your mom took our clothes. Let's scurry down to the beach."

"Do you know how cold that water is?"

"Didn't see any icebergs on the shuttle ride. Think I can handle it."

"And you've been swimming? You know how?"

"Uh, well …"

"Uh?" Kaidan muted his laugh to a whisper and pulled himself back against the headboard. "You don't know how to swim, and you want to go skinny dipping. In the middle of the night. In the cold and darkness."

"Absolutely. I don't need to go deep."

"Close to the shore, the waves will throw you around."

"Hold my hand then, anchor me in place." Shepard grinned, rolling onto her knees, and crawled up to face him. "'Yes, sure, name it' …"

"Can I take it back? There a return period to get instore credit or something?"

"Nope." Shepard tumbled out of bed and slinked to the window.

"We're not on the ground floor," Kaidan whispered in a hiss and scrambled after her.

"You're a biotic. I'm a biotic. What else is it good for if not sneaking out of your parents' house in the middle of the night with a girl?"

"In my mid-thirties? I think that sort of caper period expired."

"Caper period?" Shepard chuckled and gave him a sharp poke in the chest.

"Hey! Kate teach you that? She pokes me constantly."

"Really gets to you, huh? Learning all sorts of buttons." Shepard worked at the screen.

"No, no, no. Stop. Here." He brushed her hands away and unclipped the screen.

He glanced at the bedroom door and settled the screen against the wall. Shepard popped her head out into the dark, open air. Stars glimmered above.

"I can hear someone snoring," Shepard whispered.

"Great. Another window's open," Kaidan muttered. "You know, your biotics are going to light you up like a firefly. You'll drop past the bottom story window like a neon sign in your 'swimsuit.'"

Shepard clicked her tongue. "Kaidan, I think you had less reservations charging into a wave of husks and marauders."

"Well, yeah. Didn't run the risk of being spotlighted in the nude in front of my mom and who knows how many cousins. And Colby."

"Colby?" Shepard snickered.

"He's like the kitchen sink. Seriously."

"Okay, Alenko. I'm not your CO anymore. You can shirk your duties here. Leave me floundering naked, alone, unable to swim. Or come with me and risk Colby seeing your naked, flaming-blue ass."

"You make me want to fake a headache."

"Come on." Shepard put a foot over the window seal and ducked under the curtain rod. The roof gripped her foot like sandpaper. Mossy air filled her lungs. She drew herself all the way out and hunkered low against the side of the house. Open windows stood on either side of their bedroom.

"That's my mom's room," Kaidan said, so quietly Shepard had to read his lips.

He crawled onto the roof, hunched beside her, bracing himself with spread fingertips. He nodded left.

"Dining room's that way," he whispered, lips brushing her ear with each word. "No one's sleeping there. Doesn't look like any light coming through the windows. Best bet when we drop."

"Who's bedroom?" Shepard motioned at the open window between them and the drop off point.

"The girls."

"Oh." Shepard cringed with a grimace.

"Can still turn back. Recommend it actually."

"Nope. Let's move out."

Shepard scurried along the rough roofing slanting beneath them. A gauzy curtain swayed inside the open window. It was too dark inside to make anything out. She crept past. Kaidan scuttled low crossing the window and settled in beside her on the other side. A tight breath drained from her chest. So far, in the clear.

They were only up one story. Shepard slipped down to the edge of the roof and looked below. From here, they'd land on the lawn directly by the dining room windows. They were big windows. The whole house had more windows than walls. Some architect had no forethought for stealthy, middle-of-the-night skinny dipping.

"The life of a squirrel," Kaidan murmured beside her.

Shepard shot him a smile. "That so? We can bring back some pinecones, round out your breakfast."

"Need a bigger slot in my paper bag if I'm fitting a pinecone."

"Kaidan, Kaidan." Shepard gave him a light shove.

She licked her lips, the gentle jitter of adrenaline in her blood. She positioned herself on the ledge.

"You want me to set you down?" he whispered.

A window hinge creaked. They froze, not breathing.

"Hello?" a tiny voice said.

"Go, go." Kaidan tapped Shepard.

They leaped off, Kaidan plummeting right behind her. They flashed blue at the same time, right before impacting the ground. Blue faded across Shepard's vision. They flattened into the dewy grass, finger and feet sinking into the muddy soil. It was quite. The open window was dark overhead.

Shepard craned her neck and squinted at the dining room's window. A curse broke through her teeth. A shadow moved in the narrow kitchen window. Shepard pressed tighter into the mud. Kaidan flattened like a swatted fly, hugging the grass so tight, it almost made Shepard jealous. Soppy grass engraved into the side of his head, his eyes big on her face, nostrils flaring.

"Couldn't have seen us," Shepard whispered placatingly.

She didn't really know. The spear of his horror in his eye softened, and her smile tighten. It was the right thing to say. A light bobbed from the kitchen into the dining room. A glass of milk brightened in the light of an Omni-Tool. Someone pulled out a chair at the table and sat.

"Dammit," Shepard whispered. She almost laughed until she saw the rigid, deer-eyed expression staring back at her through the grass. "I'll be all right. We'll just camp out long enough for a drink of milk."

Kaidan's eyes rolled to the top of his head watching the dining room window. "This could take forever. Is that ... dunking cookies? And watching something? I knew this …" He mumbled something and sighed. "Think whoever it is really didn't see?"

"If you looked up from pouring milk and literally got flashed, think you'd be idly dunking cookies and watching your Omni-Tool?"

"If it was one of my family members? Probably couldn't sleep after, so maybe. I'd be dunking it in beer. Lots of beer."

Shepard twisted her face into the earthy-scented grass. It muffled her laugh.

"I'm not joking." Kaidan shifted in the grass beside her and released a big puff of air. "Wait. How the hell are we getting back in?"

"Oh. Ha. Right."

Shepard smeared her face in the lawn looking sideways at him. His breath swirled the grass in front of his face, his eyes dilating with a look of dawning terror.

"We're biotics. We'll figure it out," Shepard said.

"You know …" Kaidan's brow pinched. He struggled for words. "Hell, why did we … We didn't have to leave the house naked to go skinny dipping. We could have found something. Toga-partied it to the beach. Or, dammit, our clothes might have been folded right outside the door. Why the hell did we … Dammit."

"Huh." Shepard pressed her lips in thought and nodded. "Yeah, I guess we could—"

"Target's mobile," Kaidan said in a rush, eyes straining up into his forehead.

The light went out in the dining room.

"Let's go." Shepard started to rise.

"Wait, wait." Kaidan grabbed Shepard's wrist. "Give a little buffer. And, you haven't heard any of the girls again, right? Been listening? Wouldn't want any out on the roof. Before we go, we've got to make sure."

"We're clear."

Shepard pushed herself up in the dark grass. Kaidan sat up hesitantly.

"I don't think the little voice saw us on the roof," Shepard said. "She just heard something. It's been quiet so far, except for your hyperventilating. I think we're clear. Dining Room Lurker is gone. Let's—"

A door hissed open around the bend of the house. Light footsteps crinkled the gravel.

"Kaidan?" said a woman's voice.

"Go!" Kaidan shoved Shepard to a hedge of junipers. He tumbled in behind her.

"Sounds like Kate," he said under his breath.

"Kaid, I heard you. You guys out here? I saw shadows moving from the kitchen." Her footsteps crunched across the gravel into the lawn. A silhouette near, head cocking sideways as if trying to see into the darkness.

Kaidan gritted his teeth, dropping his forehead in a hand, and closed his eyes. Shepard slowed her breathing to quiet swish. Footsteps squashed through the grass nearing them. Closer and closer. Her Omni-Tool light flicked on. Kaidan's eyes sprung open.

"Kate," he said.

He wedged Shepard further into the hedge and hunched even lower. The light stopped.

"I couldn't sleep," Kate said. "You guys been out here the whole time? Why?"

"Just go back," Kaidan said.

"Why are you—"

"Seriously, Kate."

The Omni-Tool light turned down to Kate's bare feet. "You're being weird. Why are you … Are you hiding?"

"Kate! Just—"

"We're going skinny dipping." Shepard raised her voice.

Silence. Kate cleared her throat. The Omni-Tool light turned off.

"You know," Kate shifted her weight, "most people don't take off their clothes until they're at the water. Didn't think any experience was needed to work that one out. I assume that's what's going on. I mean, gezz, Kaid. Really?"

Kaidan's face puckered with a tight frown.

"Yeah, we know," Shepard called. "Kaidan's disgruntled about the slipup."

"How're you getting back in like that?"

"Kaidan's disgruntled about that too."

"Gezz." Kate muttered something. "And you guys went to war, fought all sorts of badass monsters and terrorist bastards. Survived who the hell knows. You really—"

"Yeah! Who the hell knows?" a little voice yelled from overhead.

"Maddy?" Kate snapped looking up.

Silence. Shepard lifted her eyes out of the bush enough to see the roof. The window was dark, no one on the roof. The screen was probably still secure, holding the voice from further adventure. Apparently, the little voice they'd woken hadn't gotten back to sleep. Their yelling across the grass couldn't have helped.

"I'm coming up for you," Kate warned raising a pointer finger.

"No, Momma!"

"Then go to bed."

"Okay."

Kate's shadowed face fell back to the lawn. Shepard lifted her head higher from the bush, fending off Kaidan tugging her back down.

"Oh. So, you are in the juniper bushes," Kate said. "Isn't that itchy?"

"Yes," Kaidan said, voice low and defeated sounding.

"Think you could drop our clothes off on the perimeter?" Shepard asked.

"Mom really wash them?"

"Yeah. They're somewhere." Kaidan sighed.

Kate chuckled. "Gives me so much power. Feel like Popeye on spinach. Guess what, though? Cause I'm a nice sister, consider it my wedding gift."

"Wasn't on our registry, but thanks," Kaidan said.

Kate shrugged. "Well, I—"

"Just got added." Shepard bopped Kaidan on the head.

"Hey."

"Well, have fun." Kate waved at Shepard's head, turned around, and disappeared inside.

"Not on our registry?" Shepard echoed sinking back into the bush. "You're the one so concerned with all this. Then say that and blow the return plan."

"Can we go and get this over with?" Kaidan said.

Shepard laughed. She searched through the scratchiness of the juniper until she found his lips. She kissed him. He pressed against her grabbing at her waist.

"Let's go." Shepard pushed him back and slipped out of the bush. She scurried down the grassy hillside into the meadow.

"Right behind you," Kaidan said, "and, uh, liking the view."

"See. Now stop complaining." Shepard threw a grin back at him and lead the way.


	3. Chapter 3

Shepard splashed into the waves with a squawk. "Son of a bitch this is cold!"

"If only you'd been warned." Kaidan dove into the waves.

Shepard sputtered out a mouthful of salty water, waves sweeping under her chin. She kept her arms raised above the icy water.

"Keeping your hands warm?" Kaidan bobbed in a wave. "You're already committed."

Reluctantly, Shepard lowered her arms into a rolling wave. Her feet scraped back in the graveled sand. She raised her face above the swell spitting water, sea spray in her nose.

"You've never been in an ocean?" Kaidan swam up next to her.

"Mindoir didn't have oceans. Neither did Arcturus."

Luna reflected around her like a mirror, brightening the forest and beach in silver. So silent, except for the ocean rolling pebbles in the sand. Kaidan's head bobbed in the rolling water, the moon glistening in his eyes, wide smile on his lips.

"You go skinny dipping before?" Shepard asked.

He tread deeper into the waves. "Not since I was seven or something."

"And? Are you pleased?" Shepard called. "This is your fantasy. The one you told me about."

"Funny," Kaidan said, "don't remember my mom being one klick away. I think this is your fantasy. Embarrassing me."

"Could develop a fetish for it."

The water lifted her, a moment of zero grav. She dropped, her toes clawing into the gravel, holding her against the force of the wave. Ocean, moon, forest. It felt new. It was new. In the distance stood the house. Its roof crested the treetops, sharp black against a field of charcoal, almost too far to make out.

"I like seeing your home, Kaidan."

Kaidan swished closer, grabbed her around the waist, and stood to his neck in the waves. He glanced at the shaded rooftop in the distance.

"That's not my home." He turned and met her eyes. "You are."

She grabbed his face in her dribbling hands. The kiss was salty and slippery in the rolling water, sand shifting between her toes. Fingertips indented into her waist steadying her. He drew back, teeth bright in the moonlight, eyes glittering with the starfield behind him. Even just a head and sliver of shoulders, he was gorgeous. She slipped her arms around his neck, hanging against him, nose to nose.

"Do you like it out here?" he asked tangling a hand into her hair.

Water pulled at her with each rise and fall of water at her throat. Shepard clasped her forearms tighter around his neck and rested her cheek against his jaw.

"I want to say something sarcastic," she whispered, "but I can't. I like it here. I like you here." She rotated the ring on her finger and pressed her lips to his ear. "I made the right choice."

His hand tightened in her hair, the arm around her waist curling her closer. Breath escaped his lips in a deep sigh.

"I don't deserve this," he murmured.

"'Cause you deserve better." Shepard yanked her head back and grinned into his eyes. "All you get is me though."

"All I want is you."

Shepard brushed his lips. His lips parted. Salt water flushed into their kiss as a waved rocked them. They stumbled out of the waves spraying water. Foam washed up the pebbled beach at their heels. Shepard shoved Kaidan back into the sand and straddled him.

"_I _have to be in the sand?" Kaidan protested.

She stopped his mouth with a kiss. Ocean whooshed up their legs, grains of sand catching in her toes. It tickled her knees spreading up past Kaidan's shoulders. It made her grip on his shoulders slip.

Shepard pulled back, laughing, and laid her palms on his chest. "Are you shivering? Or is this just a lustful quiver?"

Kaidan cupped her face and pulled her back to his lips. "And this isn't chattering. It's playful nibbling."

Shepard laughed and kissed him hard, body pressing into him.

"Hey." Kaidan broke the kiss. "If I have to be in the sand, I don't want ground in."

She bit her lower lip to resist the immediate grin. Her serious nod only made him frown. Daintly, she eased herself up, collecting her full weight.

He snatched after her. "Wait. I didn't mean you had to-"

She thwomped down on him, full force. He grunted mashing deeper into the sand. She even rocked his shoulders like a cookie cutter for good measure.

"That right?" He grabbed for her arms, but she'd anticipated it.

She rolled into the surf and jumped to her feet. He sat up with eyes narrowed on her. Water swelled around her calf. She kicked it at him as she backed away. He blocked it with a hand and pushed to his feet. Shepard sprung back a few more steps, ready.

He eyed her. "I suppose using biotics will spiral this some dark place I don't want to go."

"Kind of like a nuclear cold war." Shepard grinne, her moonlit shadow rippling in the water at her calf. "You want to be the first to fire?"

"Not really." He rushed her.

She stumbled back splashing water and hunched. She put her hands out, ready for him. "Keep coming. Why'd you stop?"

"You're already out past your knees. I keep pushing you out … I'm the only one who swims, remember?"

"Who says you'll get that far? Just need enough water for leverage, then when you come at me … plop."

"Plop?" He rolled his eyes, but his smile wide in the dim light. "I'm taking you plopping down with me. You know this only ends with your ass imprinted in the sand, right?"

"Have to catch me."

"You can't swim and all that cursing about stepping on pine cones. I'll catch you. I'm very incentivized."

"Not if you—"

The charge made her reflexes snap. She turned him over her back, like she said, but he took her with him, like he said. Shepard choked on the water, half laughing, half gagging. Kaidan scooped her up and rushed out of the waves. He set her feet on the sand, let her steady, and kissed her.

Shepard grinned. "Knew you were too nice to actually—"

He swept her feet out from under her. He caught her shoulders before she hit the ground, then lightly let her drop into the foamy sand.

"I win." He stood up and stared down at her. His smile cut into his cheeks.

Her leg took his feet out from under him. She caught him with her biotics. Blue faded off her skin as she crawled over him.

"You fired the first shot," he said.

"Retaliation?" Shepard raised an eyebrow and settled on his chest.

Kaidan reached his arm out and tapped the sand with his palm. "No."

"Good."

Shepard leaned into his face. Ocean water dripped down her nose, from her hair. The droplets blinked in his eyelashes as he watched her.

"Now," Shepard said. "Did we want to get back to grinding you into the sand?"

XXX

They lay together on the beach, backs pressed into the cool sand. Water brushed up and down their legs. The sky glittered above them. The only warmth was Kaidan's skin pressed to her side, his shoulder behind her head. His fingers traced the same path back and forth on her arm. It made her shiver. The moon was setting. Gray tinted the sky on the top edges of her vision.

"Hope no one takes an early morning run along the beach." Shepard twisted sideways to face him.

Kaidan's lips curled, eyes turning to her face. "This early? No." He pulled her in tighter under his arm. "No, I'd say Henry's gonna sleep til noon now. Probably left the tree lines hours ago."

A laugh burst from her throat. She smiled. "Then I really did hear that voice calling, 'Encore! Encore!'"

"That was me."

Shepard chuckled and rolled up onto his chest. "You know, you were kinda mean to your cousin earlier. Don't know if I've seen you like that before."

"You know he was looking down your shirt, right? When you bent for the pillow."

"You jealous I might take him on the red carpet? You know, for when you're tired of my spotlight."

"Oh, by all means. Red carpet away with the twerp."

"Kaidan." Shepard laughed tipping her face. His chest warmed the tip of her nose. "You're so mean to him."

Kaidan wrapped his arms around her shoulders. "He doesn't treat you like a person. You're a thing. I don't like it."

"Hmm."

Shepard rested her cheek against his soft rhythm of his chest. Water whispered over the sand. Brine and tree sap infused the air. Birds were starting to cry over the ocean.

"You really own land here?" She rolled her eyes up to his face.

"No, just said it for sport. Yes, I own land. Not here. More south."

"Does it look like this?"

Kaidan tilted his head back in the sand. His eyes wandered over the dark shape of the beach and forest. "Kinda. Probably look the same to you."

"What's different?"

He squeezed her close and settled his head in the sand. "Uh, well, it's been a while, but I remember aspen trees. Mostly hemlock and pine, but white quaking aspens too. There's a craggy cliff face rising along the beach. The beach isn't pebbly like this. It's finer sand. At least, when the tide's not in. The mountains are closer, and there are rocky formations in the water, like mountain tips sunk into the ocean. It's windy. Windier than here. And seagulls. Damn, there were a lot of seagulls last time I was there. All fighting over a crab on the rocks."

Shepard spread her fingers on his chest. "When were you there?"

"Years. Maybe it's not even that way anymore."

Shepard sat up on his chest. His eyes were distant gazing up at the sky. They dropped to her face. A warm smile.

"What are your plans for it?" Shepard asked.

"No plans. Not really. Inherited it when I was twenty. Kate has some chunk more inland. Doubt she'll ever move back from Nashville with Rob's job there. Keep expecting her to sell it. Maybe now the war's over, she will."

"But you're not selling yours?" Shepard traced a circle on his chest, watching his face.

He held her eye. "Not unless you want me to."

"Kaidan. I don't want that. It obviously means something to you." She stopped circling his skin. She pulled herself up higher, face to face with him. "You really had no plans? Not really?"

He studied her. "I don't expect that of you."

"What?"

"To live there."

"Ah." Shepard settled her full weight on him, their skin sticking together with sea salt. "So you do have plans."

"Not plans." His brow scrunched. "Just … I don't know. Not plans."

Shepard traced his jaw to the corner of his lips, then looked into his eyes. "I get my way a lot. I'm good at getting what I want. But this is your life too. I want what you want."

"Really?" he said hesitantly. "You love starships and space stations, momentum and new places."

"I do. And we'll have that. But you need a home, right?"

"I don't need to—"

"I want a home too."

Kaidan paused. "You want a home?"

"A home with you." Shepard clasped his face in her hands, fingertips under his jaw. His breath brushed across her lips their faces were so close. "I haven't had a home in eighteen years and five months, remember?"

"I know." He put his hands over her fingers and searched her eyes.

"I wish you could have met them."

"Me too."

He squeezed her fingers against his face. His lips parted, but he didn't say anything.

"What?" Shepard asked.

He hesitated and searched her eyes.

"Tell me about them," he said softly.

"Kaidan, you know I don't …"

His eyes glimmered in the gray light, his hands pressed over her fingers. Cold, clammy, shivery, he was naked beneath her, back pressed into the sand, water lapping up their legs. And he was looking up at her. Soft brown eyes like when they first met - his crisp salute, eyes lingering on her face with that smile. The same brown eyes as the first time their lips met - her nose pressed to his cheek, tasting the earnest exuberance of his kiss, surprised at the gentle way he held her face. The worries of Ilios washed away under his warmth and passion. These same brown eyes had looked at her in London - bleeding out at her as she turned away to the beam. The same eyes as the Summit - steady, holding her reflection, ready for the end. But it hadn't been the end. They saved each other, needed each other. And he was here with her now, alive and breathing, vulnerable and waiting.

Shepard cleared her throat. "I showed you a picture once. Remember?"

Her breath came faster, chest tightening, but Kaidan smiled and nodded. His fingers interlocked around hers. Warmth blossomed in her chest the longer she held his eyes.

"Our house on Mindoir was small," she whispered. "Two bedrooms …"

XXX

Their clothes were folded on the junipers. They snared them off the branches, the fragrance of junipers light in the air. Bits of shrub tinkling from the folds as they slinked back into the trees. The morning sky lighted like a watercolor, sun cresting the mountains. Pine needles prickled Shepard's feet deeper into the canopy's shadows.

"Your sister came through." Shepard chuckled unfolding her shirt.

"Look at this," Kaidan held his pants up triumphantly, "I had my doubts."

"See," Shepard said, "better than a toaster. This is a real wedding gift."

"Kind of a cheapskate though." Kaidan pulled his pants on with a grin.

"So," Shepard pulled her arms through her shirt, "when do we get to throw our party?"

"You tell me." He snagged his shirt off the ground, shook the moss and pine needles out of it. "Have you told everyone?"

"If not in person, by message," Shepard said. "We've told your family now. You talked to Liara?"

Kaidan paused shirt partway on. "Uh, yes."

He gave the shirt a hard yank down, head popping out, a deep crease between his eyes.

"Not go well?" Shepard asked.

"It was fine." Kaidan darted a glance her direction then peered around a tree trunk toward the house. "Ready to go in?"

Shepard pursed her lips and stepped up behind him. "What did she say? Is she coming?"

"Uh, said she'd try." He didn't turn.

Shepard grabbed his shoulder. There was some steady resistance, but she forced him around to face her.

"Kaidan." Shepard squeezed his shoulder, but he kept his eyes fixed on the forest floor. "What's going on? It was a bad conversation?"

"No. I …" His frown deepened. He sighed. "I don't know. It was perfectly civil."

"But you don't think she'll really come?"

Kaidan met her eyes for an instant, then dropped them again. "No."

"Why not?" Shepard shrugged and folded her arms.

Kaidan's face bowed lower. He touched his forehead with one hand and didn't say anything. Shepard waited. Bits of pinecones and twigs crunched under her bare feet. She adjusted her footing listening to the hum of insects and Kaidan's heavy breath.

Shepard sighed through her teeth and reached for his arm. "Kaidan, look—"

"I hurt her." Kaidan's voice snapped. He looked up sharply, eyes glistening and blinking fast.

"Kaidan …" Shepard grabbed his bicep, but he shook off her grip.

He turned away covering his face. Shepard followed his wander, hesitating to put a palm on his back

"Hey, hey, hey. Kaidan, come on. What's going on?"

He stopped. She ducked around to see into his face, but he still covered it with both hands. His back warmed her palm through the fabric of his shirt.

"I messed up. I hurt her." His words muffled through his hands.

Shepard wrapped his hunched shoulders and pulled him in. His body loosened. She flinched as he folded over her. She hadn't expected it, ready for him to jerk away as she would have. Instead, his face buried into her neck, arms coiling her waist, eyelashes tickling wetly with each blink. His breath rolled against her skin in a warm plume.

"I used her. Hurt her," Kaidan whispered against her skin. "She cared about me. Was there for me. I just …"

His arms squeezed her tighter. Tight enough to make her ribs ached. Her heart pounded with the warmth and closeness, the constricting ache like pressure on a wound. Wound of lost time and never made memories. She turned her face into his hair, sticky with ocean. It tasted like salt against her lips when she spoke.

"Liara needs time, then she'll be all right. That's how it always works." Shepard rubbed his back.

"Is it?" His voice strained. "I don't know. I think I took something from her. It's more than just being turned down. I was reckless, selfish. I didn't think."

Shepard slid up her fingers up his neck into his hair and sighed. It was about that then, the mind melding. Their first night back together, Shepard had laid in bed awake, thinking about it, rolling it around in her head. What it meant, she still couldn't grasp. It bothered him, like he'd deflowered her or something. He and Liara hadn't slept together, but what was it he told her? He wasn't so sure it wasn't worse, more intimate. Shepard's heart twisted. She squeezed him back and closed her eyes, breathing the scent of pine, laundry soap, and ocean spray.

"I don't know how to make you feel better," she whispered.

A long breath drained from his lips, brushing across her throat. "I know."

She held him. When he finally pulled back, he was breathing softly. He met her eyes with a heavy-lidded bleariness.

"I didn't let you get much sleep." Shepard clutched his face in both hands and smiled into his eyes. His lips curved into a weak smile, and she kissed his forehead. "Should we use the front door this time?"

Kaidan grabbed her hand. He lead her to the house, windows dark, glass reflecting the chalky pink of dawn. Geese honked overhead as her feet slipped over the dewy grass. The morning air had a chill. It rustled up the hillside. Kaidan swerved from the front door and slipped along the side of the house. Their deck overlooked the meadow below. He pulled her up the steps behind him, boards creaking under their footsteps, wood rough after the slick feel of grass. Floral cushions brighted the wood of a bench swing. Kaidan tugged her down beside him and pulled her in close. Shepard tucked her feet behind her and settled her cheek against Kaidan's chest. His fingers stroked her hair, bench barely swinging, the glade stretched before them beyond the railing. Morning sun glowed in the clover. The house's long shadow receded up the crest of the hill. Ocean crashed in the distance. Kaidan's arms warmed her against the air's crispness, hugged to his chest. She blinked at the horizon over the treetops, his breath stirring her hair. Eighteen years and five months.

XXX

"You really have to go?" Ella asked, face scrunched in a frown.

"We stayed two nights," Kaidan said.

A shuttle hummed in the distance. Afternoon sun blinded Shepard squinting to see it. Rob hefted Maddy and Lauren in his arms and turned back toward the house. Em gave Shepard's legs a quick hug. She frolicked away before Shepard could sink down for a real hug. Maddy chin bounced on Rob's shoulder as he crossed the lawn. Her dimples grinned back at Shepard all the way through the front door.

"I'm glad you came." Kate gave Kaidan a weak shove then moved in for a hug. "When's the wedding?"

"How's Friday?" Kaidan said.

Kate froze mid-hug, arms part way around Kaidan's waist. She pulled her face back with a twisted expression.

"Friday? This Friday?"

Kaidan shrugged. "Or Saturday, if you have Friday plans for the Farmer's Market or something."

"Friday?" Ella echoed, eyes wide and growing distant.

"I told you we weren't dawdling," Kaidan said.

Shepard bit her lip looking between Kate and Ella. "If that's too soon though …"

"It's not too soon," Kaidan said.

"But Uncle Mikal and his kids. Aunt Alice," Ella murmured, backbone straightening, voice rushing faster. "Your cousins in Quebec. Then, there's –"

"Mom, no." Kaidan put his arm around her. "You, Kate, Rob, the girls. Maybe Becca. That's it. We have some friends. I don't need my third cousin, twice removed's neighbor."

"Because of Colby being here?" Ella huffed She pressed Kaidan back with a palm and looked in his face. "We don't need to have neighbors come."

"No cousins from the four corners, every aunt and uncle, living and dead."

"Dead?" Ella's frown deepened. "What are you talking about?"

"Mom." Kate chuckled. "Just us. They want a small group."

"Well, I don't know why." Ella gestured at Kaidan. "You've been invited to all your cousin's weddings, whether you went or not."

Kaidan rolled his eyes. Shepard chewed the inside of her lip shifting her gaze between them.

"I'm sure …" she said.

"Come on, Mom," Kaidan said.

"Just us." Kate put a hand on Ella's arm.

Ella frowned. "I guess, if that's what you want …"

"It is." Kaidan pulled her in for a hug.

A shuttled rumbled over the trees and settled onto the grass a few meters away. Shepard craned her neck. Crooked teeth peeked through the pilot's seat window. Shepard smirked sideways at Kaidan, but Kate had her arms around his neck in a tight squeeze. Kaidan wouldn't be happy to see this guy again. Probably want to take the pilot's passcodes and fly the shuttle back to Vancouver himself.

"I am just so, so happy." Ella's arms engulfed Shepard, that green apple fragrance again.

Kate followed Ella's hug, grinning brightly when she pulled back. Ella twisted her hands glancing over Shepard again. She lunged forward and pulled her into another hug. Shepard's breath squeezed out in a laugh. She wrapped her arms around the little woman. Over top Ella's head, Kaidan's smile glowed.

Kate tapped his arm. "Where's this shindig happening?"

Ella, still clutching Shepard, turned her eyes to Kaidan as if waiting for the answer.

Kaidan shrugged. "It's just going to be at the—"

"The beach," Shepard cut in.

Kate and Ella's eyes moved to Shepard. Kaidan's forehead pinched studying Shepard's face.

"South of here, on Kaidan's property," Shepard decided.

"Kaidan's property?" Ella asked reluctantly loosening her grip on Shepard and stepping back.

Kaidan's brow smoothed. The corners of his lips ticked upward and radiated into a wide smile.

"Yeah." Shepard smiled. "Kaidan's property."

"Our property," Kaidan said.

"Right." Shepard's heart picked up pace. She looked between Ella and Kate's bright eyes. "What's something you do here? Have a clambake on the beach or something? Bring some canopies. A few shuttles to bring everyone from Vancouver."

Kaidan's hand warmed the back of her neck. "You're sure?"

"Doesn't have the ambience of the court house," Shepard grinned up at him, "but I don't mind. Might be nice to see Home."

Kaidan's fingertips squeezed the back of her neck, eyes gleaming, teeth shining through his smile.

"Are you coming?" hollered the crooked-toothed pilot from the shuttle window.

"Yeah, we're coming," Kaidan said over his shoulder.

Shepard's chest tightened studying Kaidan's profile. Ella's hand grabbed Shepard's wrist.

"Welcome to the family," she said.

Eighteen years and five months. The second hand stopped.


End file.
